submitted by Mr. Happy
Lookie here!
Aug. 8 7:10 CDT-Miles Mikolas (R 1-4 7.29) v. Brett Oberholtzer (L 4-7 4.17)
Aug. 9 6:10 CDT-Yu Darvish (R 10-6 2.82) v. Scott Feldman (R 5-8 4.13)
Aug. 10 1:10 CDT-Nick Martinez (1-8 5.31) v. Dallas Keuchel (L 10-7 2.89)
Wellsir, can we all agree that this season hasn’t gone the way that the Texas stRangers thought it would go? Can we also agree that the one who is smiling like a shit-eating Cheshire cat about the stRangers season is the Old Man? I too couldn’t be happier about taking joy in the stRangers’ travails, even if one of my prized fantasy players, who’s out for the season, is Jurickson Profar.
Profar is one of 13, count ‘em, 13, players on the DL, including newly acquired Prince Fielder. Ten of those players are on the 60-day DL. The bottom line: the stRangers are exactly that-a hodge-podge of AAA/AAAA journeymen who won’t be there next season. I predict that Ron Washington won’t be back either, not that he could have done a thing to change the situation.
In any event, fuck, no, double fuck, the stRangers and their front-running so-called fans. DFW makes me puke.
Aug. 8 7:10 CDT-Miles Mikolas (R 1-4 7.29) v. Brett Oberholtzer (L 4-7 4.17)
The Astros have enjoyed hitting against Mikolas, enjoying a robust .524 BA (11-21) and a 1.429 OPS. Every single Astro who has stood in against Mikolas has at least one hit. Every single one. Jon Singleton is 2-3 with a home run, and Matt Dominguez is 2-2 against Mikolas. The stRangers are hitting .239 (11-46) against our portsider. Leading the stRangers futility train are no less luminaries than Elvis Andrus (0-7 with four Ks) and Alex Rios (0-6 with three Ks). On the other hand, Oberholtzer has to pitch carefully to the ever dangerous Adrian Beltre, who’s 3-4 with a two-bagger and an RBI.
If Mikolas pitches the way that he’s been pitching, we should score some runs in this game. The question will be how Oberholtzer pitches, because he’s 3-3 4.56 at home. His ERA is almost a run better on the road (3.74).
Aug. 9 6:10 CDT-Yu Darvish (R 10-6 2.82) v. Scott Feldman (R 5-8 4.13)
Red alert: the Good Guys have seen lots of Darvish, and they are hitting a paltry .178 (23-129) with five home runs against the tall right-hander. The Piranha is a cool 3-20 against Darvish. Not to be outdone, Jason “Not Another Passed Ball” Castro is 2-15 and Chris Carter is an awful 1-14 with eight Ks against Darvish. The lone potential bright spots are Robbie Grossman and Marc Krauss, who are each 3-11 against Darvish. Also of note is Matt Dominguez, who’s 4-17 with three taters against Darvish.
Scott Feldman has pitched like the 3/4 that his ability would indicate that he is. The problem is that he’s our 1 and is facing a true 1 tonight. Feldman’s former club has seen him a lot, hitting .244 (40-164 with five long balls). The tall right-hander has to pitch carefully to Alex Rios, who’s 12-41 with four doubles and three dongs against him. Elvis Andrus and the recently acquired off of the waiver wire Mike Carp are each 4-12 against Feldman. On the other hand, Shin-Soo Choo is a putrid 1-17 with five Ks against Feldman.
I see very little chance of coming out of this one with a W. But hope springs eternal.
Aug. 10 1:10 CDT-Nick Martinez (1-8 5.31) v. Dallas Keuchel (L 10-7 2.89)
The Astros haven’t seen much of Mr. Martinez, but what they’ve seen, they’ve liked facing the rookie, to the tune of .357 (5-14). Matty D is a perfect 2-2 against the 24-year old Martinez.
Meanwhile, the stRangers are hitting .232 (32-138) against the 26-year old portsider. Alex Rios is 5-15 with two doubles against Keuchel. Elvis Andrus is 4-22 against Keuchel, who’s 3-4 2.60 at home this season.
If the Arkansan pitches his typical this season game, the Astros should prevail.
Promotions
Aug. 8-The first 10,000 lucky fans will get a Cowboy Boot Mug from Xfinity!!! Woo hoo!!! Just what I needed-not.
Aug. 9-The first 10,000 will receive a Cowboy Hat from Xfinity.
Aug. 10-The cheap bastards ain’t givin’ away nothing! Damnit.
Injury Updates
stRangers-Only Joe Shit the Rag Man isn’t on the DL. The injuries range from excess nudity (Prince “I’m really svelte” Fielder) to excessive pud pulling (everyone else).
Good Guys-Some of the same old guys (Jose Cisnero, Matt Albers and Jesse Crain) as well as some newer names, including Dexter Fowler, who may be going out on a rehab assignment on August 8, Josh Zeid, who’s out for the season with foot surgery for a condition that I’d never heard of before, Jesus Guzman, who’s ailing with back spasms, George Springer, who apparently tweaked a quad down at Quad Cities on rehab and scheduled to be reevaluated on August 8 and Alex Presley, who has a strained right oblique, but who might be going out on rehab assignment on August 8 too.
Prediction
Astros take two out of three. Come see us in the GameZone.